I've spent so long fighting with the process of learning. I want to feel the knowledge going in, if that makes any sense, to feel it settle into my brain and become available. Instead it happens invisibly: I read, read, practice, then some situation comes up that requires a skill or piece of knowledge I have, and I just respond. Which is cool in itself, but I don't want to trust it, I want to control it. Well, that sounds bad, but I mean direct it much more than I can currently.