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phoenixIf anyone's keeping track of my daily posting: don't worry, I didn't miss yesterday, I just posted privately because talking to myself felt like the thing to do. Today I've nestled up to my laptop, in a blanket-bread phoenix sandwich. The only notice I've taken of the outside world: listening to sharp clattering from what might have been hailstones, and calculating time between a flash of lightning and the thunder following it. Though rho did the actual maths.
I'm thinking about compassion, and kindness. It's funny, I thought well of most people for years, thought they were all far above me -- the only negative thing being that, y'know, they were surely not to be trusted and would do me harm if given half a chance, but otherwise, lovely people, lovely people. My attitude's changed. It's not secret that I'm harsh on myself, but I've been directing that critical side outwards. The reverse of how it worked with the violent impulses I had to rein in after school finished - they were still there, just no threats to focus them on. Perhaps it's the same way. Thinking more kindly of myself, the vicious feelings need somewhere to go? I should join a sports team or get activist-y about something, direct that aggression at the other side.
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By the way, do any of you have Facebook and play games like Mafia Wars and Cafe World and so on? I and some nice friends of mine have got into them, and would like more people to join our ranks. I don't really want to post my facebook link here, but will PM it to anyone who asks, or add if you post your link in comments or PM.
rho did the actual maths. I'm thinking about compassion, and kindness. It's funny, I thought well of most people for years, thought they were all far above me -- the only negative thing being that, y'know, they were surely not to be trusted and would do me harm if given half a chance, but otherwise, lovely people, lovely people. My attitude's changed. It's not secret that I'm harsh on myself, but I've been directing that critical side outwards. The reverse of how it worked with the violent impulses I had to rein in after school finished - they were still there, just no threats to focus them on. Perhaps it's the same way. Thinking more kindly of myself, the vicious feelings need somewhere to go? I should join a sports team or get activist-y about something, direct that aggression at the other side.
***
By the way, do any of you have Facebook and play games like Mafia Wars and Cafe World and so on? I and some nice friends of mine have got into them, and would like more people to join our ranks. I don't really want to post my facebook link here, but will PM it to anyone who asks, or add if you post your link in comments or PM.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-29 01:05 am (UTC)There's a difference between putting yourself before everyone else and thinking everyone else can just go hang. Personally, I think the relationship you have with yourself is the single most important one. One that you have to prioritize, because regardless of who comes and goes, you're the only constant. Like many things, it's possible to go too far in either direction - some people think they're the worst person in the world, and others think that they're better than everyone else. In the words of The Doctor, I love a happy medium.
And if your inner cynic is anything like mine, it should worry more about its job security, what with all these changes coming in =)
no subject
Date: 2009-11-29 05:33 am (UTC)